Finding Peace

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. 

As you may recall from my last Blog, I met Katherine.  Here is the rest of the story. 

She was a people-pleaser who put the needs of others ahead of her own.  Over time this took a serious toll on her mental and physical health and her relationships with others and eventually, without a word, she packed a bag and moved away.  

"The truth is" she told me, "You can run away from others, but you can't run away from yourself”.  She tried to blame everyone else for her misery, and did not recognize the fact that the problem was hers and that no one else was to blame.  

"I discovered that because of my low self-esteem that I didn't have any boundaries. I thought that if I said "no" to others that I was somehow a bad person.  I couldn't risk the thought that someone might get mad at me or not like me, so I let everyone else rule my emotions and sense of self-worth.  I also discovered that I don't need to prove my worthiness to others, as God made for his purpose, not theirs.”

She did not come to this realization or start making changes in her behaviors over night and she admits that she is still a work in process, but through the support of new found friends, her Pastor and prayer, she is on the road to recovery.

Living a life without healthy personal boundaries in our relationships can be self-destructive.  If you have healthy boundaries, you:

• Say yes or no without guilt, anger or fear
• Refuse to tolerate abuse or disrespect
• Love and respect yourself
• Know the difference between your problem and that of someone else - and refuse to take on the other person’s problem
• Have a strong sense of and accept yourself
• Share responsibility with others
• Feel freedom, security, peace, joy and confidence

Psalm 139:14 - I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know full well. 

“Katherine”, the nurse called from across the room.  Katherine waved her hand in the air and as she stood up she looked at me with a smile and wink. I watched as she bounced across the room, her long skirt swirling softly as she disappeared with the nurse through the waiting room door.

Left to wait alone, I was struck once again with how God uses each of us to connect at various times, in unexpected places, in a way that can change the way we look at life forever.  Katherine shared the gift of her experience and provided inspiration for this blog. I pass this gift on to you.

In Search of Peace

Philippians 4:4-7 (TNIV)  

 ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It is difficult to find peace in the midst of obligation, responsibility, uncertainty, demands and deadlines. Anxiety is a useful emotion that God gave us to alert and help protect us from danger. It serves a purpose in small doses and certain situations, but prolonged anxiety is unhealthy.  It effects our physical and mental health, our relationships and our financial wellbeing. 

Last week, I met Katherine (not her real name) during a long wait at the doctor’s office and she told me her inspiring story. As a teenager, Katherine was  a beautiful, cheerful and carefree young woman and today at the age of 30 she looks much older. Her face is drawn and tired from years of endless, needless worry and self-abuse.

Her friends called her “Kat Angel" because she always worked so hard to do things for others, putting aside her own needs in the process.  In reality, Katherine worried about everything in life.  She had two alarm clocks next to her bed to make sure that she got up on time, which was unnecessary since she generally woke up about a half an hour before the alarm went off.  Most nights she was lucky to get 4-5 hours of sleep.  Before leaving home, she checked the stove at least four times to make sure it was turned off and she checked the locks on the doors at least twice.  She paid each bill as it was received, because she did not want to take a chance of being late.  She arrived for every appointment at least thirty minutes earlier than scheduled and sometimes an hour.  But the worst of it is that she constantly worried about what people thought of her and if they liked her; strangers, family and friends alike. As a result, she worked tirelessly to try to please everyone.    

No one else in her life worried about anything because they knew that they could count on Katherine to take care of each situation. They became so accustomed to how she took care of them that they soon took her granted. Her gift of helping turned into expectation, obligation and responsibility.  Her shoulders became rounded and she was physically hunched over from carrying the weight of their burdens.  

Secretly she started to use drugs and alcohol to reduce her chronic physical and emotional pain. Finally, she became so resentful that one day she simply walked away. Actually, she moved away, with a suitcase of clothing, her small life savings and without a word to anyone.  

Next week she will reunite with her family after a two-year absence. She told me that she is a changed person and now ready to reunite with them.  I asked her, “How did you do it?  How did you change”? 

Tune in next week to hear about her remarkable transformation.  

In the meantime, if you are feeling anxious, start by following the advice of Paul written from a Roman prison.  By prayer, petition and thanksgiving, turn your requests over to God.  He will lift your burdens and give you peace.  

“When one door of happiness closes, another one opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”   Helen Keller 

Keep Your Head Up!

Proverbs 1:8-9 (NLT)  - A Fathers Exhortation: Acquire Wisdom

8 My child, listen when your father corrects you.  Don’t neglect your mothers instruction.

9 What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.

I am the youngest of six children from a blended family, but I am the only child between my father and mother.  In my fathers eyes, I could do no wrong and the feeling was mutual.  My father, who passed away a little more than five years ago had an ever lasting positive influence on my life.  

He used to tell me, “do as I tell you, not as I do”, especially when it came to driving the family car.  The truth is that I learned many of the values I have for life by watching him.  He never seemed to have a bad day, tried to always do the right thing and used to laugh off situations when things didn’t go as planned.  For him, anything out of the ordinary or unplanned turned into a new adventure, a new opportunity to conquer.  Somehow he always found a way to make a difficult situation seem less difficult, by use of humor and being just plain optimistic.   He was friendly, happy and outgoing and never knew a stranger.  I loved his genuinely happy spirit and I aspire to be like him.  

As I was cleaning out some drawers yesterday, I came across a large piece of paper folded in half  that I almost threw away, thinking it was trash.  On the front side of the folded paper there was printing that said, “Answer the 1990 Census Today!”, and on the back side was the familiar handwriting of my father.  A poem hand printed, complete with scratches where he edited the words to make it come out just right.  My father died at the age of 90 in 2007, so it appears that he was 73 years old when he wrote this poem. 

A Seniors Ramblings On  - by Eugene Edward Oviatt

When I wake up in the morning,

And both feet find the floor.

I  sway and stagger across the room, 

Till I reach the bedroom door. 

When I finally get to the kitchen, 

The coffee I must make. 

Then I look to the windowsill,

For the pills that I must take.

I’m suppose to make some breakfast, 

Even if I don’t need to eat.

But I’m just so doggone honest, 

I can’t get myself to cheat. 

Then comes the dishwasher and garbage,

The chores I have to tend.

Sometimes I have my troubles,

Cause my knees don’t want to bend.

They say to keep your head up,

And face life with a smile.

It’s supposed to really help you, 

Hang in there for another mile. 

Sometimes my head won’t come up, 

I feel so blue and sad. 

There’s lots more days a coming, 

But they can’t all be this bad. 

It breaks my heart to think that he had some bad day’s, since he never let on to me, but he lived 17 more years after he wrote this poem and I know he had mostly good days during that time.  

Life will never be perfect.  The secret to having mostly good days, is to accept the fact that some days will be better than others.  Some days it is difficult to bring the head up, but there will be more day’s coming and they won’t be all this bad.  

Daddy, I love you and miss your jokes, funny stories and silly songs.  You always made me laugh and made life special, even when you felt sad.  I will work hard to do the same. 

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 (NLT)¹² So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. ¹³ And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

“Keep your head up.  It is much easier to see heaven that way” Unknown